You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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