You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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