I CAN MOONWALK!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
They should really pass out barf bags in church
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
