Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
