You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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