so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
