suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
