I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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