Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
