Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
