Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
