He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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