and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
