I intend to get homeless drunk
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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