OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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