how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
