is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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