I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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