You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
