This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
