Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
