Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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