So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
