Swine flu. Run for my life!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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