This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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