He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
