omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
