:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
