My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
