i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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