My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize