Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
