my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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