I can tuck mytits in my pants
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
