I hate all girls vehemently.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
