some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk is not a location!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
