He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
