Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
