hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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