Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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