There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
