My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
