clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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