Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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