I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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