How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize