fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You are a genius and a whore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
