after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
