you're like a bully in the Christmas story
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
