I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Everclear isn't food dammit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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