you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
