I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
