apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
