If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
