um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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