I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
