Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
