i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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