She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
