He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
