He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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