You really coming over, don't trick.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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