Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
