Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
