I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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