We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just blew my weed a kiss
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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