Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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