mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Couch. On fire.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
