Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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