Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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