do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize