I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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