So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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